why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
