Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
