if i can run in heels then i can drive
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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