Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
