I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
