I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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