Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
