guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
