Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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