; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
