You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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