ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
