Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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