I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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