Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
