can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
