Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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