She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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