Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
