At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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