you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
