Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
