just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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