Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
