Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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