Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
