I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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