all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize