God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
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This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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