I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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