He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
