I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
