I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
