I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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