dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
