Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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