You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
