So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
