can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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