Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
