see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
