Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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