I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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