I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
