mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
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What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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