Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
