I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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