First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
