ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
