and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
