im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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