Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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