used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
