dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
