Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
