I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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