Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
