im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
