I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
