theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
