There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
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I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
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i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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