But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
