Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
