Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize