I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were destined to go to rehab together
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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