Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just found a bag of teeth...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
