I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
