Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
