No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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