Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
