don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
