im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
