i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
