He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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