You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
