just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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