I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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