I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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