is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
