TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
