I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
