My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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